Leadership Is Relational: The Skills That Determine Long-Term Success

If you’ve ever worked for a leader whose mood decided whether the day felt like sunshine or a thunderstorm, you already know why people skills aren’t “soft.” They’re strategic. I’m unpacking the real factor that determines whether your leadership grows over the long haul or slowly fades: your capacity to relate to people with emotional and relational maturity.

We break down ten essential people skills for Christian business leadership, including emotional intelligence, active listening, humility, courageous communication, empathy, conflict resolution, encouragement, decisiveness, vision casting, and integrity. Along the way, I tie each skill to real workplace outcomes like psychological safety, employee engagement, turnover, innovation, and trust and I ground the conversation in Scripture to keep faith at work practical and clear. You’ll also hear why “clarity is kindness,” how to address conflict without drama, and how vision turns labor into legacy.

I also share a free People Skills Assessment you can download to get an honest baseline, plus a quick update on my newly published book, Good Boss, Bad Boss. If you want to lead faithfully in the marketplace while building a strong culture, press play, take notes, and answer the closing question: are people growing because of your leadership or just surviving it? Subscribe, share with a friend, and leave a review so more leaders can build well and lead faithfully.

Transcript

Welcome And Godly Success

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to the Christian business concepts with your host here. Christian business common steps dedicated the company companies.

SPEAKER_01 0:16

Thanks, Kelly, and welcome everyone to Christian Business Concepts, the podcast for leaders who want to build successful businesses without rel without losing their relationship with Christ. And that's to me what it's about, and that's what uh CBC is about. Uh it's it's really about finding godly success, which is a lot more fulfilling to a person than the world's success. So I hope today's podcast is going to encourage you, enlighten you, and empower you on that journey to find God's success for your life.

Listener Shoutout And Community

SPEAKER_01 0:49

Now, this week I want to give a big shout out to New Plymouth, which is in uh the Taranaki region of New Zealand. Uh forgive me if I did not say that correctly, but uh I just want to welcome you. You guys had so many downloads, and I know this is your first week of downloads, uh, and we're so glad and we welcome you to Christian Business Concepts. Thank you so very much. And I want to thank all of you who listen to this podcast. Uh we appreciate you, and we appreciate you helping us build, those of you who help us build the community. Uh, and you can do that by sharing this podcast with four or five others, or by posting a link uh on your LinkedIn or Facebook pages that kind of shares the uh maybe say a little bit about the podcast and what it means to you and what you get out of

Coaching Options And New Book

SPEAKER_01 1:38

it. Now, this week I also want to share with you other ways that I can help you through my coaching and training business. Um, my areas of expertise is in several areas. I'm a certified leadership purpose, speaking in public, vision, uh, and also career coach. So I'm certified in all those areas. Uh so please feel free to reach out to me if you'd like to know more or if you're looking for coaching in any of these areas. I also do leadership and uh soft skills training for businesses and organizations as well. Now, I also want to let you know about something I'm excited about, and that is that my book, Good Boss, Bad Boss, that I've been working on for about 12 years, was just published. And currently it's on Amazon as a paperback and then Kindle, a Kindle version, and it's going to be on other platforms and bookstores in the coming weeks. Um, and uh just excited about that. Good boss, bad boss. Uh, very, very excited about it. That was kind of a big thing that I finally got done, and I'm so excited about that. So I encourage you to take a look at it and uh thank you for doing that. So thank you for letting me share my business with you a little bit today.

Why People Skills Win Long Term

SPEAKER_01 2:49

Uh now, today we're going to talk about something that's going to determine whether you succeed long term or whether you're just going to be somebody who just does not continue their influence at all and you just slowly fade away. I'm not talking about strategy and I'm not talking about capital. Uh, I'm not talking about intelligence. I'm talking about people skills. People skills. Because you can be brilliant and still be unbearable. And you can be a visionary and still be a very volatile person. And you can be gifted, but yet you just stand alone. Because here's the truth leadership is never limited by opportunity. It's limited by your capacity to relate to other people. Now, you can go to the website at Christian Business Concepts.org to find and take the People Skills assessment to see how you're doing with each one of these that we talk about today. There's no charge for that. You can go right onto the website and look for resources and then scan down through there and find the one uh assessment for people skills. And you can kind of take that on your own. Um, and you can uh uh, you know, even let other people help you and share with you what they think if you really want to become uh uh accountable uh to people. But take it on your own uh if you want to. Uh, you know, I believe that people's skills are very, very important. Now, I understand that the marketplace out there, it rewards people who are intelligent. I get it. But let me tell you something, it's very short term. But I believe the marketplace rewards emotional and relational maturity more in the long term. So today we're diving into the most, what I think are the most important and powerful people skills that great leaders have and that they exemplify. And uh I think that people skills are very essential uh for leaders because leadership is fundamental, fundamentally it's relational. It's not positional. You know, a title may grant authority, but only your relational competence with people is gonna earn trust and loyalty, long-term influence. And uh I think that's that's uh extremely important in today, and especially as Christian leaders, I think it's very, very important. So for each of the skills today that we're going to talk about, we're gonna cover several things. We're gonna find out what it is, why it matters, the benefit of having that skill, what is the cost of lacking that skill, and how to develop it. And and we'll ground it in scripture as we try to always do, and uh and share that with you with some practical reality.

Emotional Intelligence For Steady Culture

SPEAKER_01 5:38

All right, so let's let's jump in and start with the very first one, which is emotional intelligence. So emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize and understand and really manage your own emotions and then very accurately perceive the emotions of other people. You know, John Maxwell, who has mentored me and I'm a part of the John Maxwell team, um you know, John Maxwell always said, people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. Well, that requires you to be aware, of aware of your own emotions. You know, in Matthew chapter 26, we see the story of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. I'm sure his emotions at that time, I know that he was very distressed. You can read that in Scripture. But when he came back, he had asked his disciples to watch him pray. But when he came back, he didn't explode on his disciples. He understood, he controlled his emotions, he expressed his emotions, but he didn't lose control. That's what I call emotional maturity, which is what we need. Because, see, emotions drive behavior, and behavior shapes culture. But what's important to understand is that though God created each of us with emotions, he never intended us to be controlled by our emotions. See, a leader's unmanaged emotion becomes everybody's burden. Nobody wants that. So you benefit by having that skill through psychological safety. That increases in the organization. You'll see conflict begin to decrease, trust begins to rise, and people begin to open up to you. But if you don't have that skill, you'll see a greater turnover rate, you'll you'll create a fear-based culture, a very passive, aggressive way in the way things are communicated. Uh, and then you'll have people that will disengage, but they but it they do it quietly. So understand it, people don't quit companies, but they do quit emotionally unpredictable leaders. You know, uh General James Mattis said one time, he said, the most important six inches on the battlefield is between your ears. So see, I believe if you can't manage your own internal battlefield, and that's your in your own mind and your will, your emotions, you can't it you can't lead external ones. You know, uh I think that's important. I think it's important. You know, we've all probably worked for people uh or for a leader whose mood, their mood determined the temperature of the entire building from day to day. So you walk in every day thinking, okay, are we going to have a sunshiny day or we're gonna have a thunderstorm day? And that's emotional immaturity. That's not what you want. So how do you develop it? Well, before you respond, always make sure you pause. And you may want to ask yourself, you know, what am I feeling right now? Why am I feeling this way? And what is the most productive response I can give? You know, Proverbs 16, 32, you said, he who is slow to anger is better than the mighty. See, there's true power in restraint. So you don't want to allow your emotions to control your decisions. It's okay to have emotions, but don't be controlled by your emotions.

Active Listening That Builds Trust

SPEAKER_01 9:00

Now, number two is active listening. Now, what is the difference between listening and active listening? Well, typically most people listen uh so that they can reply. But active listening is listening so that you can understand. Did you know that Jesus asked over three hundred questions in Scripture? Over three hundred. Why? Because questions reveal hearts. They reveal hearts. You know, Stephen Covey used to say most people do not listen with the intent to understand, they listen with the intent to reply. So I think that's an I think that's important, and you can look at that in John chapter four with the woman at the well, because Jesus listened to her very intently and he discerned some things, but he responded very precisely. He didn't lecture her, he engaged her. And I think that's important because listening builds trust, it builds loyalty, it builds insight and innovation. You know, some of the best ideas that people have are buried beneath unasked questions. You've got to get those questions out there, but you you need to actively listen, listen to understand. And if you don't have that skill, you're gonna have employees that disengage, you're gonna have problems that stay hidden because nobody tells you, uh, innovation just stops, and then you're gonna have resentment within the organization because if people feel unheard, they eventually become unengaged. And I have seen that over and over again. So, how do you develop that? Well, first of all, when you're listening, make sure you put your phone away. Stop looking at your phone, don't interrupt the person and then reflect back what you heard to make sure you heard correctly. And then before you give any advice, make sure you ask at least one follow-up question. You know, the Bible says in James 119, be quick to listen and slow to speak. And I think that alone could transform a lot of meetings. So that's very important.

Humility That Welcomes Correction

SPEAKER_01 11:12

The third is humility. Now, what is humility? A lot of people have the wrong understanding of what humility is, but humility is strength under control. Um it's it's confidence, but without the arrogance. Um humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less. Let me say it again. Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less. You know, Moses was described in Numbers 12 and 3 as the most humble man on earth, yet he was the same man that led millions of people out of Egypt. Very important. You know, Admiral William McCraven said, if you want to change the world, start by making your bed. Humility starts with small things, small disciplines. Why does that matter? Because humility helps to allow feedback, it allows learning and correction, it learn, it allows for growth. You know, pride shuts the doors, but humility opens doors. And that's why it's so important. And if you don't have that skill, then you're going to see blind spots, you're going to have yes men, and you're just going to grow your organization with yes men. Uh, the culture could possibly become very toxic. And not only that, but God resists you. He resists you because James 4 and 6 says God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. So he opposes people that are not humble, that don't have humility. This is not no, I'm not talking about being motivational here. I'm just talking about theological reality. Um, you know, that's what the Bible says. So how do we develop humility? Well, you ask for feedback. Admit when you make a mistake, do it publicly and and credit other people, but do it on a consistent basis. And then study leaders who failed due to arrogance, because I always think you'll learn from that. The higher you rise in leadership, the more successful you become in leadership, the lower your ego has got to bow. That's that's just critical. All right, let's look at number four.

Courageous Communication With Clarity

SPEAKER_01 13:30

Number four, courageous communication. Well, that's the willingness to speak truth with clarity and kindness. You know, I think about Nathan in 2 Samuel chapter 12. Nathan came and confronted King David because he had messed around with a woman, Bathsheba, you guys know the story, and then had her husband killed when she turned up pregnant. Now, Nathan came to confront King David because the Lord showed this to Nathan. Now understand this was a very dangerous position to do in this period of time because as a king, David could have had him executed on the spot for even speaking to him in that way. But he was very courageous in the way he communicated, but he spoke truth, he spoke it with courage, he spoke it with wisdom. Nathan didn't attack the king with his communication, he illustrated what he thought was a wrong. Now, it's important to understand that because an unspoken truth can begin to eat away at within your organization. You know, uh what happens with that is you wind up seeing poor performance, you get bitterness, your standards begin to disappear, and you lose um business insight. I like what Ray Dalio said. He said radical transparency builds radical trust. I think that's awesome. So how do you develop it? Well, you develop it first by addressing issues early. Don't wait. You do it early. Speak privately when possible. Um you you want to focus on behavior, not character. Focus on behavior, not character. Um and make sure you you state your expectations very clearly so people know what they are. Uh clarity is kindness, ambiguity is cruelty. That's how I see that. So that's very, very important.

Empathy That Prevents Burnout

SPEAKER_01 15:29

All right, let's look at number five, empathy. What is it? Well, empathy is understanding another person's perspective and maybe their emotional experience. You know, the greatest boss I ever worked for was a CEO who did this so well. I stayed with him for almost 25 years until he retired. You know, Hebrews 4.15 describes Jesus as the one who sympathizes with our weaknesses. He knows what our weaknesses are and he sympathize, empathizes with our weaknesses. You know, during COVID, there was a lot of companies that showed flexibility to their workforce. And because of that, they retained a lot of loyalty. Because empathy during a crisis, it creates a lot of times lifelong commitment. So you you can see that strong loyalty, a deeper trust. You'll have reduced turnover and a higher morale. Those are just some of the benefits. But without it, you'll see burnout, you'll see resentment, and you'll see silent quitting, which is a big thing today. And uh I think it's just important. So you've got to ask the question you know, what are they carrying? What's going on with them? Consider the context before you bring correction. You know, you got to listen before you begin to diagnose something because you can't correct something if you haven't first cared about it. So that's

Conflict Resolution Steps That Work

SPEAKER_01 16:54

important. All right, let's look at number six, conflict resolution. So important. Because conflict is inevitable. You know, you don't have to be combative, that's optional. But conflict is inevitable. You know, in Matthew 18, it kind of outlines this act the steps, certain steps that you take to resolve conflict. And the first one is you go privately to that person. And if that doesn't work, you then bring a witness and confront that person. And then thirdly, you escalate it appropriately if that doesn't work. You know, um uh Dwight Eisenhower, one of our presidents, great general, he said leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it. But see, when you have conflict, it destroys that desire for people to want to do it. So without that skill, what happens is you'll see gossip, um you you will see your productivity decline, uh, you'll have teams that begin to fracture because you've never dealt with conflict. So how do you develop it? Well, first you you've got to address things, you have to address the conflict, you've got to address it quickly. Uh and then you have to clarify what are the actual facts. What are the actual facts? Not what you think, not what somebody else thinks, what are the facts? And then you always want to seek out to have a win-win kind of an outcome. And make sure that there's a focus on aligning everything with the mission of the organization or the vision. So that's important.

Encouragement That Fuels Endurance

SPEAKER_01 18:36

Uh let's look at number seven. Uh, number seven is encouragement. You know, Proverbs 16, 24 says gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul. Encouragement. Because encouragement fuels endurance. You know, research shows employees who receive recognition on a weekly basis are significantly more engaged. Without encouragement, people burn out, but they do it quietly. You know, encouragement is so critically important. And uh, you know, correction may adjust the direction, but encouragement is what fuels that journey to get into that proper direction. It's it's critically important. So, how do you develop that people skill? Well, first of all, you need to look, stop, and notice effort. You gotta notice it. And then when you do praise people, you gotta make sure you do it specifically. It's not like, hey, great job. No, no, no. You gotta look at them, you gotta say, hey, that was a great job you did, and getting that report done two days early, that's really gonna help our team be a lot more effective in what we've got to do next. So that's something that you can do, but do it very specifically and and celebrate not just the big wins, but celebrate the small wins. And here's a big, big thing, and I don't think it's very underutilized because we've gotten so far away from it. Write a personal note of encouragement to somebody. Send one out to employees two or three times a week, different ones. I'm telling you, it has a huge, huge impact, and it's not being used near enough. Not near enough.

Decisiveness That Protects Momentum

SPEAKER_01 20:15

All right, number nine, or number eight, uh, is decisiveness. You know, because an indecisive leader, let me tell you something, you'll just exhaust your team members. I I I've dealt with that in the past. It's horrible. It's just horrible. You know, Joshua 24, 15 says, choose this day whom you will serve. Be decisive. Because strong leadership requires decisive action. You have to have it. You know, in combat, in combat, they're taught that delayed decisions cost lives. And in business, delayed decisions can cost momentum. Without without it, you're gonna have confusion, you're gonna have frustration, there's gonna be a loss of confidence. You have to be decisive. How do you do that? Well, you have to set deadlines, you have to make sure you gather input, and then have a date that you're gonna make the final decision. And not a year down the road, but have have a date that you're gonna make this decision. And then you can make an adjustment if you need to after you've made the decision. The one thing I've learned is that imperfect action beats perfect hesitation every single time. Because you need to make a move. You know, there's the 70-30 rule, and that is that if you have 70% of the answers and you're 70% ready, then go ahead and launch. Don't wait for 100%, because that'll hold you back.

Vision Casting That Inspires Ownership

SPEAKER_01 21:48

All right, look at number nine vision casting. Vision casting. A lot of what I coach when I coach executives is about vision. And uh I have a program. Called Vision Operating System that I've developed. And it basically takes and helps a company have a vision, but not just a mission, a vision statement that hardly anybody knows or they never utilize, but having a vision where every decision that is made within the organization aligns with the vision perfectly. That's why I call it a vision operating system. And so I deal with this on a regular basis. And the greatest example that I've that I that I know of, and again, you know I've learned most of my leadership through the Word of God, but Nehemiah, when he rebuilt the wall, you know, he cast this vision and he got people excited about it. He painted a picture. And then he assigned all these different roles. And he inspired ownership. He inspired ownership. And so that's that's so very, very critically important is to inspire ownership. Well, that comes because he was such a visionary leader. You know, without vision, work just becomes mechanical and there's no passion. Now, how do you develop that skill? Well, you need to realize you need to connect your tasks to the mission, to the vision of the organization. And then you need to paint a picture and share the why of the vision. Why do we do what we do? Why do we manufacture what we manufacture? Why do we offer these services? Why? What is the why? Not the what, not the how. Why? And then you need to repeat that vision, not the vision statement, but you need to be able to communicate that vision in different ways and you do that consistently. Because without vision, work just feels like labor. But when you have vision, it feels like passion and it feels like a legacy. So it's critically important, critically important.

Integrity That Protects Influence

SPEAKER_01 23:57

And then let's look at number 10, the last one, integrity. And integrity is consistency between your belief and your behavior. They match. They match. You know, Proverbs 11 and 3 says the integrity of the upright guides them. Um, when you think and you listen to a man like Warren Buffett say this, he said, it takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. He understands integrity. Because without integrity, the trust is going to collapse and your influence evaporates, and then the entire culture just begins to deteriorate. So how do you develop that? Well, first of all, you have to do what you say you're going to do. That's first and foremost. And then you have to be willing to admit failure because guess what? People know when you fail, and they're looking to see if you're going to have the integrity to admit it. And then keep your private life aligned with your public message. Don't live one way in your private life and then another way in your business culture. You know, character is who you are when there's no applause and when there's nobody looking.

Final Challenge Prayer And Assessment

SPEAKER_01 25:12

So as we wrap this up today, let me let me say that great leaders are not remembered for their spreadsheets. Trust me, they're remembered for how they made people feel. So emotional intelligence and listening, uh, humility, courage, empathy, um, conflict, uh, conflict resolution, encouragement, decisiveness, vision, and integrity. These aren't soft skills. These are strategic skills that will help you multiply great leaders within your organization. I mean, you can have strategy without people skills and you can build something, but it's going to be very temporary, or you can have great people skills and build something that's going to be very enduring. You know, Jesus changed the world, not through force, but through relational mastery. And as Christian business leaders, we represent him in the marketplace. So here's the final question to ask. I'm asking every one of you are your people growing because of your leadership or are they just surviving your leadership? Leadership's not about being impressive, folks. It's about being invested and being invested in people. And people skills are how that investment compounds. Lord Jesus, we come to you today. Lord, we come, Lord, seeking, Lord, your help. And Lord, we ask this, Lord, in the precious name of Jesus. Amen and amen. Well, don't forget to check out the free, no cost people skills assessment to help you see how you're doing in these areas. Just go to the resources tab on the CBC website, uh, Christian Business Concepts.org, and then just look for the People Skills Assessment. You can download it and you can take that test anytime that you'd like. All right, but we make that available to you. All right, until next time, I want you to build well, lead faithfully, and remember, Jesus is Lord and He wants you blessed.

SPEAKER_00 27:42

Thank you for tuning in to this week's Christian Business Commons Podcast. Go to Christian Business Common Simpsons.com for more information and resources.